Tuesday, August 4, 2009

most important article i've read

Moral Agency
By Elder D. Todd Christofferson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Ensign, Jun 2009, 46–53 From a devotional address delivered January 31, 2006, at Brigham Young University

Testing as Part of the Essential Experience
A consistent effort will educate and refine our desires so that in time our desires will become aligned with the Father’s. But we should expect to be tested. The gift of agency is intended to give us experience. We “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good” (Moses 6:55). And Jesus, “though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered” (Hebrews 5:8).
Joseph Smith was told to expect some severe opposition despite making good choices. Said the Lord, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7). We are in a mortal experience because we cannot become as God without that experience. We must prove to Him and to ourselves that we can consistently make the right choices and then stick to those choices, come what may.
Some think that they should be spared from any adversity if they keep God’s commandments, but it is “in the furnace of affliction” (Isaiah 48:10; 1 Nephi 20:10) that we are chosen. The Lord’s promise is not to spare us the conflict but to preserve and console us in our afflictions and to consecrate them for our gain (see 2 Nephi 2:2; 4:19–26; Jacob 3:1).
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Exercising agency in a setting that sometimes includes opposition and hardship is what makes life more than a simple multiple-choice test. God is interested in what we are becoming as a result of our choices. He is not satisfied if our exercise of moral agency is simply a robotic effort at keeping some rules. Our Savior wants us to become something, not just do some things.5 ****He is endeavoring to make us independently strong—more able to act for ourselves than perhaps those of any prior generation. We must be righteous, even when He withdraws His Spirit, or, as President Brigham Young said, even “in the dark.”6
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Using our agency to choose God’s will, and not slackening even when the going gets hard, will not make us God’s puppet; it will make us like Him. God gave us agency, and Jesus showed us how to use it so that we could eventually learn what They know, do what They do, and become what They are.
Remember that with His gift of moral agency, our Heavenly Father has graciously provided us help to exercise that agency in a way that will yield precious, positive fruit in our life here and hereafter. Among other resources, we have the scriptures that contain the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, mentors and parents who love us, the voice of prophets and apostles living among us, the covenants and ordinances of the priesthood and the temple, the gift of the Holy Ghost, prayer, and the Church. May we draw upon these resources constantly to guide our choices, always doing those things that please God.

full article
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=aed5ceb47f381210VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

we have had a sucky year. i've never had so many trials in my life - combined, as we have had this year. i am exhausted and weary. every time i nurture myself back up to functionality something knocks my feet out from under me. i've gone through 'keep a smile on, it'll work out', then may 10 came, it was my breaking point. i cried a primal cry, full bodied cry, got a blessing that i hated because it didn't help me with our problems. i had no more optimism, just, nothing. then came anger, internal spite, super anger, sadness, despondency, all the while more crap is piled on. the worst part, the part that made me not care was i felt spiritually so alone. i pictured myself like tom hanks in castaway, floating on the ocean alone. where was the spirit to comfort me, guide me, just help me get through this time of trial? i still had a testimony of the church, it just didn't seem to work for me anymore. every 'primary' solution was frustrating becuase i had tried to rely on them, pray, study scriptures, temple, service, i had done them and they weren't helping. 'what's wrong with me'? i know it's me because it has worked in the past, my life was solid, knowing if i did what god asked me to do, we would be happy, even if it was hard. but there was no god telling me what i should/could/needed to do. what did i do to be a castaway.

as i floated along sunday morning, june 28, i read the june ensign. i read elder christoffersons talk. i liked the beginning, skimmed the middle, and found my answer in the end. as soon as i read that paragraph the empty ocean closed in on me and i felt the spirit so strong i knew this was for me. but i didn't understand it and i still don't quite get "withdraw". that was not our deal. you tell me, i do, that was our deal. the next three days were a whirl of study. i couldn't even tell matthew or anyone what i found becuase i couldn't say it outloud, it was too huge, at least i had something. i finally found something that made sense, spoke to me. wondering why we would need this "withdraw" it was impressed on my mind by the spirit, it's part of teaching, just like i was trying to teach jj to swim. he could stay on the steps and be happy, but never learn to swim, or be safe if i wasn't right there, because he didn't have the skills. i finally talked him in to letting me hold him around the pool. he hated it and wrapped himself around me. i had to peel him off me to show him he could stand where we were and still have his head above water. we could walk further from the wall and he could stand on tip-toes and still have his head above water. he could move around a lot more then he thought. the next time we went to the pool he could swim back and forth from the wall to me, the next time he was diving for rings, then next time he was swimming around the shallow and not so shallow, the next time, i didn't have to be next to him, i could watch him from the side to make sure he was okay, but i could "withdraw" and let him practice his new skill.

just like jj didn't want me to withdraw, i don't want him to withdraw. it's not my choice. have i don't something wrong that he would withdraw, leaving me at such a fragile time?

here's the big question. what does this mean, how do i implement this new spirituality into my life, and why is this the first time i'm "hearing" this?

this should probably be only in my journal but more people need to hear about this. with all the struggles and trials people are having they need to know.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

w.i.l.u. part 2

juju reunion desserts
jer quoting the office and wrestling with the boys and driving more to see us
pretties
cuties getting pretties am lu kenz
am
green
fairy ring? don't judge me

blooming lilac/speara
paragliders in lehi

why i like utah

pioneer ancestory -fry/toomer
green hills
gpa mooses childhood home (J Scott Williams)
Williams & Sons stores
i miss you!
b am j ju
b j am lulu k ju
kenz lulu
morgan - gma/pa painted the 'm' on occation

newest wild creatures at byu bean
if the kids see YOU touch that then will probably...
touch it too - naughty boys
j thought that was the funniest bird ever
j, lulu, ju - cute 3 pack
ju with butterflies making a butterfly
mi & moosey
yeah, it's a liger - what?

i heart filoli for more pics then most can endure see TOWER OF P(hl)OWER<---- (sigh) my bestest day in ages